Operation Fortress

On Monday I was awoken by the 'phone ringing. It was Lisa. She had telephoned to make sure that I would make an appointment with a female doctor at the Medical Practice we are both registered with. Dr L.C. Lisa advised me to make a request to the council for extra security to be fitted to my door. If I must live above a psychopath I shall insist on extra security measures.

Lisa suggested several measures:

1) That I get the front door replaced
2) A chunkier security chain
3) A spy hole
4) 2 Chubb locks

'I didn't want to say anything before because I didn't want to alarm you,' she said. 'But I've always thought your front door was awfully flimsy. One kick and that wood would probably shatter.'

Lisa has an eye for these things. She has, after all, been burgled herself -- twice. She had to fight hard to get Granta Housing (her housing association) to take her concerns seriously. She also advised me to take the attack alarm (which she herself had given me years ago because she was so concerned when I told her that I was in the habit of taking long walks in the middle of the night) and my mobile 'phone with me wherever I go.

And my swordstick, I thought but I didn't tell Lisa this.

She wouldn't approve.