Searching In Vain...

For a home on the web. There is another forum I failed to mention in my last post on this subject: Chavscum.co.uk, a hilarious website in which people vent their spleens on a group of people that prior to visiting that site were beyond the realms of my world. Tracksuit-wearing, Burberry clad hooligans, apparently. A year ago I wouldn't have known what a 'chav' was if I fell over him in the street. This website is frequently alluded to by members of the forum I mentioned in a previous post (The one that I sometimes think should be called 'Snobs Reunited') And then I bought my brother some books from the 'Humour' section of Borders for Christmas. Naturally, I read them all myself first, only opening them so far, to avoid breaking their spines. One of them was entitled: Chavs: A Guide to Britain's New Ruling Classes. According to this book these 'chav' people are social parasites: they claim benefits (oops, I've claimed sickness benefit in the past. Better tick that box), they live in council accommodation (another box to tick - even though I am a leaseholder), wear a lot of 'bling'. (Ostentatious fake gold jewelry - well, thank the Lord for that. I was getting worried there!), commit petty crime (I have to confess that I did inadvertently take a packet of face washes from M&S b/c they were right next to the free knives and forks and I concluded (quite reasonably, imho) that they too were free.)

In short, they are society's latest scapegoats, easy targets. Just one more bunch of witches for us to burn. The contributors to this site cannot agree exactly what constitutes a 'Chav'. One moment a forumite is saying that behaviour not attire makes one a 'Chav' and the next someone else is babbling on about council house-dwelling benefit scroungers. Which is it to be? Make up your mind, people! I joined the forum on a less than auspicious note. My username was 'SylviaPlathII'. When I objected to the class prejudice on the forum I was told to 'Go put (sic) your head in a gas oven like your predecessor'. I said that I wished I could and then attempted to explain the differences between coal gas and North Sea gas but I think was lost on this rather charming individual. I departed, the site was revamped and I returned a few weeks later using the screenname Isobel. My avatar was a painting of a supercilious looking young woman, her hair piled high on her head in a bun, turning away from the artist - a virginal governess.

Unfortunately, as soon as I rejoined., a rather mediocre newspaper columnist who used to contribute to Varsity, and now writes for The Independent wrote a piece on 'the Chav phenomenon' and chastised Chavscum.com in particular for its negative portrayal of 'the working classes'.(I thought they'd all dies off along with the this country's manufacturing industries.) The forum rose up against Johann Hari. Some went so far as to issue death threats against him. Some of them even got the idea that the persona I had adopted was Johann Hari or one of his colleagues in The Independent. I made the mistake of providing a link to a satirical article in Varsity written by a student who announced that she was 'proud to be a chav'. (Wonderfully ironic, ripping snobs everywhere to pieces). At this point I was banned and my I.P. Address was blocked. I was called a Johann Hari Collaborator by Mr. Chavscum (Naturally, I was mortally wounded). With the aid of a proxy-server I re-subscribed under the pseudonym of a character I played at The Birmingham Arts Centre when I was in my teens. I find the forum amusing and I don't threaten them and they don't threaten me.

Lesson: It pays to use honey rather than vinegar. I should try it more often. Oh, but hurling vinegar into people's faces is so much fun.