Rachel from north London: Last year I killed a man

Rachel from north London: Last year I killed a man . In this post Ms. North links to an article in The Guardian written by a train driver whose train had 'on a perfectly normal summer's day' mown down a man who had stepped onto the tracks and calmly waited for death.  Last year a friend of mine took a large overdose of her prescribed medication and lay down to die.  Someone found her and she was taken to hospital.  On the way there one of the paramedics told her, 'You did not really intend to die.  If you had you would have thrown yourself from a building or jumped in front of  a train'.  Damned if you do, equally damned if you don't.  Perhaps someone should send this compassionate paramedic a copy of the linked article.

In case you're wondering where I have been, I am now sovereign of this kingdom.

What Are They Doing?

In times of increasing uncertainty, people cling to false dichotomies. 

You are eating.  A plateful of crisp lettuce and ripe red baby tomatoes.  You look away briefly. When you look back your once appetizing meal is covered in beetles.  They have made it their home.  You scream and cover your eyes.  Your mother comes over.  'Look, Mummy, look, there are insects crawling all over my food.'

She looks at your plate.  'There's nothing there, 'rie.  You must eat it. The doctor says...'

You run to your room and slam the door.  You are safe.  You look down.  Your carpet is covered in a seething mass of black beetles. You scream.  An hour later you are in the back of a doctor's car on the way to the acute ward.  And your skin is crawling with black insects. And you know that this is no escape.

Still the Same Old, Same Old...

Tories.

Dave's words of wisdom:

We talk about people being "at risk of obesity" instead of talking about people who eat too much and take too little exercise. We talk about people being at risk of poverty, or social exclusion: it's as if these things - obesity, alcohol abuse, drug addiction - are purely external events like a plague or bad weather. "Of course, circumstances - where you are born, your neighbourhood, your school, and the choices your parents make - have a huge impact. But social problems are often the consequence of the choices that people make.

Speaking of being at risk of obesity, has anyone noticed that 'Dave' himself is looking a tad, well, portly, recently. Look at those pink, chubby cheeks. He's not exactly the Tory answer to Kate Moss now, is he? I might write to him with a few tips on how to shed that extra weight.

And in other news: Apparently, Dave no 2 (Mini Me 0r David Davis) cost the taxpayer £80,000 with his little gesture. I wonder if the Mail on Sunday will be bitchin' about that. We might get a line or two from the gorgeous Peter Hitchens, who is right on the money, by the way, when he comments on how easily fooled these people are. I guess if you stand for nothing you fall for everything.

And tell me Dave, what action are you going to take against 'fat' (aka: devoid of self discipline) members of your own party:

(I is furry scared.  Imaginary kitties, ghostly felines, blurred lines, landmines.  Tired but afraid to sleep.  Need a kitty to cuddle but GhostCat might chase real cats away.  They shall have their revenge)

Some Man/woman/child/cat/dog/hamster/

Squirrel called McSlappy (or similar) keeps bothering me. So, here's something to be getting on with...Kiss, Kiss, Kissy! And here are some song lyrics you may be interested in:

(Sinead O'Connor)

Margareth Thatcher on TV
Shocked by the deaths that took place in Beijing
It seems strange that she should be offended
The same orders are given by her

I've said this before now
You said I was childish and you'll say it now
"Remember what I told you
If they hated me they will hate you"

England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill black boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want him to be aware that there's
Any such thing as grieving

Young mother down at Smithfield
5 am, looking for food for her kids
In her arms she holds three cold babies
And the first word that they learned was "please"

These are dangerous days
To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
"Remember what I told you
If you were of the world they would love you"

England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill blacks boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want him to be aware that there's
Any such thing as grieving.

Courtesy of these people

********************************

HE EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES
(Sinead O'Connor)

It seems like years since you held the baby
While I wrecked the bedroom
You said it was dangerous after Sunday
And I knew you loved me
He thinks I just became famous
And that's what messed me up
But he's wrong
How could I possibly know what I want
When I was only twenty-one?

And there's millions of people
To offer advice and say how I should be
But they're twisted
And they will never be any influence on me
But you will always be
You will always be
If I treated you mean
I really didn't mean to
But you know how it is
And how a pregnancy can change you

I see plenty of clothes that I like
But I won't go anywhere nice for a while
All I want to do is just sit here
And write it all down and rest for a while
I can't bear to be in another city
One where you are not
I would return to nothing without you
If I'm your girlfriend or not

Maybe I was mean
But I really don't think so
You asked if I'm scared
And I said so
Everyone can see what's going on
They laugh `cause they know they're untouchable
Not because what I said was wrong
Whatever it may bring
I will live by my own policies
I will sleep with a clear conscience
I will sleep in peace
Maybe it sounds mean
But I really don't think so
You asked for the truth and I told you
Through their own words
They will be exposed
They've got a severe case of
The emperor's new clothes
The emperor's new clothes
The emperor's new clothes

Courtesy of these people

]*******************************

'You Cause as Much Sorrow'

I'm full of good intentions
Like I never was before
It's too late for prevention
But I don't think it's too late for the cure
So you call in your minions
And see what you can find
Night time or morning
These hands are sticky but I don't mind
Why must you always be around?
Why can't you just leave it be?
It's done nothing so far but destroy my life
You cause as much sorrow dead
As you did when you were alive
I never said I was tough
That was everyone else
So you're a fool to attack me
For the image that you built yourself
Just sounds more vicious
Than I actually mean
I really am soft
Yes, I'm tender and sweet
Why must you always be around?
Why can't you just leave it be?
You've done nothing so far but destroy my life
You cause as much sorrow dead
As you did when you were alive
Why must you always ask me?
Why can't you just leave me be?
You've done nothing so far but destroy my life
You cause as much sorrow dead
As you did when you were alive

Courtesy of these people.

*************************

THREE DAYS GRACE LYRICS



"Just Like You"

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you

I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

On my own, cause I can’t take liven with you
I’m alone, so I won’t turn out like you
Want me to

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

Courtesy of these people

Oh, and Miss McSlappy, you asked where the Three Billy Goats Gruff were. Well, Billy Goats Gruff these days aren't the same as they were when you were a lass. They could be anywhere, doing anything. Oh, I despair, I really do.

Addendum: And what really, really, really pissed me off about all this, Ms. McSlappy, is that I didn't even get a glimpse of your beautiful face. I'm bi-curious* and I bet the mere sight of you would have had me packing my bags and setting sail to the Island of Lesbos in an instant.

*I'm not really.  I am only teasing.

Time

All night she lay awake, her skin tingling, her legs restless. She was trapped in an uncontrollable, inescapable fear.Immobilised by anxiety. She found herself dreading the inevitable arrival of the dawn. She envisaged herself pushing, pushing, pushing against a moving wall of daylight, trying to hold it back. But day after day the harsh sunlight invaded her room and the little red clock on her bedside table shrieked at her mercilessly. She hated marking time. She hated the way instruments that were designed to do exactly that were scattered across every surface in her room. Clocks, watches, timetables dominated her life. Even in here: her only refuge. And the bedside clock, the little daemon that heralded the coming of the dawn was the worst of them all. An evil despot. The king of all clocks. Time is the greatest dictator of all.

Remember...

Jenny Black.  Never heard of her?  I didn't think you had.  We couldn't help her so we didn't even try.  Women with personality disorders are far more likely to be the victims of violent attacks than the perpetrators and lack of media attention is a symptom of how, in this so-called 'civilised' society, some people matter and others don't.

No More

Cancelled visit to Blue Cross.  Dreamt about Bella.  No other cat can replace her.  A is cross.  Two hours before I can visit Nobby.  256 messages in inbox for self help group I have never turned to for help - from the past two days.

Some Excellent News

A new addition to the internet.  Nobby is to be connected.  His family in the US are buying him a laptop and he is to get an account with Virgin next week.  I am to be his tutor.  I'll show him ome of the more weird and wonderful sites.  Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

Going to the Blue Cross on Saturday.  To see all the kitties.  Hope to find a successor to Bella (who will never, of course, be forgotten.).